in tha staaaahs

My friend did an astrological chart for me a while back. While I don’t generally believe in horoscopes and stuff (because they don’t always fit), she’s getting really into it and I figured it’d be fun.

It was a really long and sometimes contradictory chart, which doesn’t surprise me at all. I’m like that : totally open minded and understanding with everyone else, but really hard and exacting on myself. We had a really good laugh over it and then I threw the email in a side folder and mostly forgot about the thing.

Today I was cleaning out my email and I found it. This section really caught my attention

Jupiter Opposition Pluto
Your tendency will be to make career moves that restrict or inhibit your opportunities for inner growth and change. You can manage to get yourself installed in a job that, while good for finances, is a dead end for you from the point of view of personal change. The worst part is that you get combative toward any challenge to your right to avoid situations that require grow and change.

That is SO right on for me. It absolutely, perfectly describes what I've gone through.

I've been very lucky. Every job I've taken has been a step up from the job I was leaving. Even facing massive layoffs, I got out (walked out) just in time. I'm generally finding the right opportunity just when I need it.

But.

But these jobs? Even when it's different, it's always the same.
The last different job I've had was up north, before I moved. Five years at the airport. It was challenging. Every day was different in a way. I learned a lot between the monthly training and getting out and doing.
The only thing I hadn't gotten the hang of, was never brave enough to try : backing the airplane into the hangar. I could back in it, I could tow .. hell, I even got brave enough to jump onto the deicing tower right before I left.

Since my move down here, I've had three jobs. They all started differently and somehow morphed into having the exact same problems. The first place I worked we call HellCor.
Today, four of the five of us working all worked at HellCor together way back when. We've spent the last two hours talking about how similar it's gotten here.
And I'm tired of this. Tired of the same conversations and the same feeling of helplessness. Bored of the ache I get every time I think about being here, especially on the weekend. Ready for a change.

I don't quite have the strength to jump into something completely different (and what would that even be?) but I'm afraid to end up exactly where I am now. Again.
I have a vision of myself, getting ready for work every morning and not already starting to count the minutes. Spending weekends with Pete and my friends. Actually working towards something that isn't just not this.
And not having this issue stand in the way of everything else.